Tool, Scenesters, and Aching Necks

The other night was Tool, actually the day before I started this stupid blag. Marcus and I went, we'd had tickets since February, but the show was at first canceled and then postponed due to Danny Carey injuring his right Bicep, don't know why I had it in my head that it was his rotor cup. I mean I even sent an e-mail to Blair saying that I was glad to see his rotor cup was better, damn I must look like a dip-shit.

Well anyways the show was at SDSU in the COX Arena, those jokes never get old. We got there late because of Marcus's, or is it Marcus', asshole math teacher. Seriously it's not like Marcus was asking the guy much if he could take it early. Teachers like that should be teaching in high school not in college. So we missed the first band but from what I heard on the toolshed.down.net forums they sucked ass. After some debacle of getting lost on the way to the COX Arena, hehe, we finally find the walk way that was at the top of the stairs in the COX Arena, hehe, parking structure. So you can image my fat ass running up like 5 or 6 flights of stairs. So, we get to the security check point, I fucking hate security check points six years of working at fucking UPS has given me a great disdain for them. The first attempt through and the security fuck-face is like no flashlights. Marcus tried to convince him that he could just take the batteries out and toss them, trying to avoid having to go back to the car, but the fudge packer wouldn't budge. He finally informed us that Marcus could check the flashlight, thanks anal-reamer! So we checked the flashlight, mind you a three watt flashlight no idea what damage that would have done. By the time we make it back to the hated check point there was a line. Luckily we have half our wits about us Marcus and I, not sure on the grammar for that one, and we see that there are two fucking security assholes just standing there licking the cat's ass. So, Marcus asks if we can in fact go through their check point because unlike the rest of the masses we do not enjoy being treated like lambs being lead to the slaughter. We the chick security says yeah sure.

We hop on over. Marcus makes it through first. I walk up take my keys out stick my arms out in my best Jesus pose, and the fucktard for a security has the nerve to fucking ask me how much I've had to fucking drink. I'm like what the fuck? I've had nothing. Less than zero even. I just ran across campus here asshole. I guess you know the fact that I was a bit sweat is dead give away, although you'd think that someone who would be all sweaty from drinking would have a hard time standing, and would probably reek of alcohol. Once through Marcus asks what the hold up was. I explain that the genius working the gate thought I was drunk. Marcus gives a WTF? and we make our way over to the t-shirt stand, Marcus has a fetish for tour t-shirts. I have no idea what he does with them, because I never see him wearing them....

Well we both had to piss real bad, so we start the hunt for a bathroom. I swear there was like twenty women's bathrooms to one men's. We finally find the only men's bathroom and there's a fucking line, yes that's right a fucking line to the goddamn men's bathroom. Luckily men don't have to go through some elaborate ritual just to take a fucking piss, so the line was moving quickly. Once inside there was some random dude directing traffic towards the pissers. At first I thought hey just like the last Tool show in LA, but alas he was just waiting for a shitter. Well the urinals were the kind with no fucking dividers between them, the COX Arena is a real high class joint. So my bladder went it fuck we don't one some dude looking at our junk mode and I had a real hard time getting it started.

This is where I encounter the first fucking scenester Bro Asshole. This guy walks up next to the urinal next to me. This guy has a mohawk, and piercings every where. He's also talking on the phone, can you believe that shit? He's taking a piss and doesn't even have the courtesy or is so oblivious to the rest of the fucking world that he can't hang up the phone to take a piss. This reminds me of that commercial where that fat black lady can't get off the fucking phone. The one where she's wearing the obnoxious red sweater. I'd include a link to youtube but I'm fucking lazy. Anyways after nearly fucking the urinal so that I could take a piss, I go to wash my hands, and theres no fucking soap. I'm telling you a real high class joint the COX Arena is. So I do the best I can and go to dry my hands, at least they have paper towels and not those fucking useless air dyers that make you feel like a complete asshole when you use them.

On the back out of the bathroom we encounter Scenester number two, well actually they were all over the place. But this guy was a real douche, the kind that thinks his shit don't stink. So we're trying to make our out and we're forced to cut back through the line and this douche acts like we almost pushed him over cause we asked him to step back a little. I even said excuse me, dirt bag. Well get some doughnuts which were fucking great.

Finally we make our way to our "seats". The COX arena is where I guess the local shitty SDUS baseketball team plays or some shit. We find our "seats" which were in the very back row on the right hand side facing the stage. Well our "seats" were in the middle of the row and some assholes where sitting there. We said excuse us but you're in out "seats" and this guy is like "oh am I?", fucking asshole. So, this so called seats, think of your high school gym seating, not much better than that. We're chowing down on the doughnuts, and Marcus cracks a joke about my fat ass taking up half his seat. Well the dipshit next to us is like maybe you shouldn't be giving him doughnuts. Marcus quips back you can see he's just taking them, I'm not giving them to him, thanks Marcus you're such a friend.


At this point we weren't sure if we'd missed the opening act. Just as we were getting comfortable some assholes on the other side decide to start the fucking wave. Honestly the wave? It was at this moment I realized the whole fucking arena was full of fucking Scenester Bro Mother Fuckers. This is where my rant starts.

What's the deal with this people, honestly? You can't listen to both tool and linkin park, they aren't even close to being the same kind of music. I think it goes back the early days of tool when they'd play Lollapalooza and these fucktards are some how enamored with the idea of that was a hip happening time so they have to attach them self to that somehow. Well I guess you can also blame Tool for still playing crappy trendy festivals like that today last years Coachella comes to mind. The thing I hate most about these Bros is they don't even understand what the music is about. Granted I'm not 100% on all the songs, but I at least understand that Prison Sex is not about being anally raped in Prison. These Scenester Bro Assholes, actually almost booed when they started playing Wings and 10k Days, this is a very personal song for Jimmy (MJK), and it takes a lot of guts on his part to lay it out there like that. I should also note that it is a fanfuckingtastic song in tribute to his dead mother, which always makes me think of my father. Anyways, these assholes gave out a big old "AHHHH" like it was a let down. See the band had taken a break on stage, which this brings me to another incident. One these Scencester Bro Assholes, thought it would be the coolest thing ever to break out his laser pointer and start hitting the band with it. You fucking asshole, and the friends that encouraged it deserve the lack of mental capacity you have. I will have no issues making you part of the proletariat when my kind comes to power. I also notice that these SBAs don't know the fucking lyrics to any of the fucking songs. I've come to the conclusion that the only exposure they have with Tool is via the radio. Seriously you don't go see a band that you've only heard on the radio, you're not going to like the experience, shitface. Another problem I have can demonstrated by the couple sitting next to me, and they were sitting. This is a two parter, first you don't fucking sit when the band you paid 60+ dollars to see is on stage. Sitting when a band is preforming is like saying this is so fucking boring I need to sit. Seriously if you aren't into the band that much don't fucking go! Second you do not under any circumstances leave to go; to the bathroom, get a drink, other useless activity. For the next 70-90 minutes your ass belongs to the band you paid to see. Shit even if someone released anthrax in the crowd I wouldn't leave a show. Which reminds of when Marcus farted right in the SBA sitting next to him face. I never go to show of a band I'm marginal about, never! So fuck all you hookers with a penis.



Anyways concerts for me a release of all the pent up frustration and anger. I let it all out at the show so I don't let it out in the real world cause some people might end up dead. I pour everything I've got into cutting lose and letting the music take hold, as it should be, so much so that by the end I feel like I just had sex. You know it's been a good show when you can't talk, hold you head up, can't hear, smell like a mens locker room, and you can't stop smiling. That was us after the show. Two happy and spent motherfuckers.


And two those two scenester bitches at denny's wearing tool shirts and looking like fucking twins FUCK YOU! This is my ritual not yours!

--Brektyme